Conviction (FM/M)

[David Han]

Imagine that you’re a correctional officer who just received word that I’m a fugitive for not appearing in court for a drug offense in which a police officer arrested me for abusing cocaine in front of an elementary school which caused a lot of issues when kids saw me using it. The school principal called 911, and the police came and led me out in handcuffs in front of stunned people. I was released on bail and was told to be back in court for a hearing, but I decided not to appear. I went on vacation to Chile instead, and returned 4 days after the court appearance. Well, I should have stayed longer because on the 5th day as I was playing videogames at my house, the doorbell rang. I did not know who is at the door since I did not invite anyone to my house or purchased anything online. Perhaps it was a kid who accidentally kicked a ball into my yard, or it could have been someone who is selling girl scout cookies. I opened the door wearing my t-shirt, shorts, Nike shoes, and black socks, and a red baseball hat. 2 police officers were outside and they asked me if I was David Han.

When I said that I was, they told me that had a warrant for my arrest and told me to turn around and place my hands behind my back. There was no emotion from me as they put the handcuffs on my wrists and it felt very cold and uncomfortable. They put me in the back of the police car and drove me to the local police station where I was fingerprinted and my mug shot was taken. Then, they did something I did not expect. They said I would not be going to court nor would I be staying overnight in jail. In fact, my punishment was going to happen right there and then as they led me down the stairs into the basement where you see me.

You describe what is going to happen to me. I will be locked in stocks with my bare feet displayed and I was going to be tickled by the students who I noticed I was using drugs. I was mortified as I’m ticklish. At first, I thought it would just be my feet that is going to be tickled, but I was wrong. In fact, you said my armpits, belly, sides, and ribs is also going to be tickled as well. I was screaming when I was grabbed by 4 officers and forcibly locked in the stocks. My wrists were tied above my head to the restraints on a board. When my feet were locked in tight and my big toes was restrained with yarn, I knew it was over for me.

The first person that came up was a 6-year-old boy who tickled my left feet. I was giggling because it was not really my most ticklish spot after he attacked my feet for a minute to get the reaction out of me. Another boy came up and tickled my right feet at the same time my left foot was tickled. I erupted into laughter then. Imagine 16 fingers tickling my feet. You just sit there smoking a cigar and watching this unfold in front of you, and do nothing else. Another kid approaches my left armpit and tickle me hard there. Now, this was feeling more intense as I was hollering and screaming and despite not as audible, you hear me say, “Make them stop, I’m too ticklish”. This is when you say, “No, you should have thought about the consequences before you sold drugs to someone”. I was panicking because I knew this was probably not going to stop. Then, another boy approached my right armpit, and tickled me by digging into my hollow pits very quickly then slowly. I was now being attacked by 24 fingers at the same time, and it was extricating. Then 2 girls approached me and tickled my sides, and ribs. Now I’m being tickle tortured and there was nothing I could do.

More kids joined in and took out paint brushes, electrical toothbrushes, a fork, a feather, a hair brush, their own fingers, some took out baby oil and rubbed it all over my sensitive skin. It was beyond torture for me now. I was tickled beyond my wildest imagination. You can hear me holler with laughter all throughout the remainder of the day. I was given breaks only after 2 hours of nonstop tickling for about 10 minutes before it started up again. When I was finally released that was red marks all over my bare skin from the nails of the kid’s fingers that was not properly chipped, as well paint stains from the dried paint from kids using the paint brushes to dip into paint and draw on me and write on me. It was intense, but that is when you decided to tickle me next.

You pick up the baby oil and massage lotion and cover me again with the lotion. You tickle my feet with your tongue licking my sensitive feet and I started to giggle again and then I say, “Fuck you man, I need a rest”. Well that did not sit well with you, and you increase my sentence and now it will last overnight. I was screwed. You tickle my armpits with your fingers and this erupted into laughter for me because it was not only the most ticklish spot on my entire body, but it was a great spot. I was forced into oblivion. The tickling was crazy. You play this little piggy on my toes and then gave me a short tickle on the soles of my feet. You then blow raspberries on my tummy and I was reduced to a childish laughter. You then tickle my sides and ribs, counting off my ribs as you go. I was helpless to prevent you from tickling me and driving me crazy. I am now convinced that there is nothing I can do to stop the tickling. You give me 5-minute breaks for every one hour of tickling, but it was not going to be any better for me once the torture started up again. Then, you tickle me again, but on my balls and penis that no one else could do from the initial torture because they were kids and that would be inappropriate, but you could do it be that you are older and I’m 28 years old.

The tickling drove me crazy throughout the remainder of my punishment. That is when I’m unlocked from the stocks. Then, my wrists were free. I had endured a crazy full day of tickling, but I apparently had not learned my lesson.

Just two days after my tickling, I was arrested again for selling drugs to a minor. The judge said, “Because you are a repeat offender, I hereby sentence you to 1 week in the local jail being tickled by minors and the correctional officer for 24 hours everyday” I screamed when the handcuffs was put on me and I was led away to my fate. Now this will be the most laughter I will ever receive in my lifetime.