My Decision (M/F)

[AlexUSA3]

Introduction

I am a 95/5 submissive with men but a true 50/50 switch when I am with women. I am not truly as naughty as it sounds; with men, I only sleep with them if I feel more than just lust with them. My list of men is short. My list of girls is much longer. I decided to share the most meaningful sexual escapade of them all. You will soon understand what that means, my dears.

What is unusual is that with girls I am only interested in sex if bondage is involved. Contrary to my reputation as "bondage sexual," I have willingly and happily had sex with a man without any rope getting involved. It is very complicated, as you will. I finally reached a point where I knew calling myself a good Roman Catholic wasn't possible, and faith had to come first. My sexuality was real, but that didn't justify fornication like I so routinely committed.

This story is the story of how I proved my friends wrong and finally took the great leap towards what I believe to be true womanhood as a woman of faith. If we must, we may agree to disagree.

My Decision (M/F)
Thursday, July 4, 2024

"So, Philip, how about we go back to my place, hmmm?" I seductively kissed my date in his car.

Philip Masterson was the only man whom I taught how to properly tie up a girl. He was a most considerate man, and my soul hoped that one day marriage would happen. We'd been off and on for the better part of 7 years, and we had not rushed things because of our youth. I know it must be different to hear my perspective as opposed to Hannah talking of me always needing someone as a housemate and such, and she is correct in one sense and wrong in another. I cannot be alone for real, but when you're married you're not living alone. You decide. I spoil bits without saying much in hopes of moving your imagination. Needless to say, Hannah's perspective was distorted because I did not talk about my love life too much with her.

"Philip," I repeated, though it sounds more like "Philippe" when I say it, "Please? Hmmm?"
"Well, well," his deep voice chuckled a little; he's only a few days my senior, "All right."
"I want to play soft tonight, if we can. Cozy, romantic, and kinky."
"All right," he kissed me back, and his slight stubble and aftershave were so exciting.
"Shall we go then?" I peered into his eyes to see what he was thinking and never saw anything.
"Let's go. I just don't want to wake your landlady," he laughed a little.

I am always dressed in certain ways. If it is gym day, then it's gym shorts or a skort. If it's work, then it's my work uniform. If the day sees neither, then I likely wear a skirt and pantyhose. No matter which it is, there will be a bandana on my head, although in a few scenarios my preferred paisley patterns are considered inappropriate, like at work, and patterned ones are not right on a date night unless it is seasonal. Like, this was Independence Day, so an American flag bandana headband was very appropriate.

At supper, I was naughty, stealing a couple of bites from Philip's plate. At the baseball game, I cheered for the Minnesota Twins like anybody else there; when Philip had his back to me, I took his hand in my own to hold. When we got home, we were quiet, and I shut the door to my room to turn on the TV. I use the TV for nothing but watching baseball; my landlady does not have a television because she is not interested. Yes, Hannah Larsson was my landlady.

In the closet, a small travel bag came off the top shelf and was placed on my dresser. My bag of toys, all I use for personal bondage play, was in the bag. It's a small bag compared to most of my friend's bags, but I am Ashley and not one of them. In the bag is all that is needed to have fun with Hannah at home, with Philip, or at a friend's house.

"Shall we start like normal?" I asked my guest of the evening, "With some soft mouthwork?"
"I'll start in any way you like," he smirked a little, which was his way of saying, "Yes."

I handed him my clothesline, which is my preferred way of being tied up when there is a more consensual and romantic atmosphere. My friends vary, but, for me, clothesline reminds me of a "cute girl bound and gagged" atmosphere like that of Tied After Class. Clothesline can be handled much longer as well; to my knowledge, needing to be released from clothesline bondage due to being tied up for too long hasn't happened. I do not know which part is my favorite, but it is a tie between crossed wrists and crossed ankles being tied or having tied elbows. Maybe it is the harness, but there is a reason for such a simple tie. Having favorites is not an essential thing. Being tied up effectively with the clothesline is very good bondage, but then comes the best part of this romance: sucking on Philip's manhood.

I always performed oral sex first because pregnancy out of wedlock is not good, yet I'd seduced a man who went to my church. I felt like a hypocrite since my father-confessor knew my faults. I had confessed my sins and such and was trying to escape the bondage industry despite receiving a multitude of therapeutic benefits. It is hard to express myself verbally to some friends and easy with others. My dears, there is right and wrong, and doing what is right is a spiritual battle.

"Mmmmm," I gently moved my mouth up and down his increasingly hard self.
"Not bad," he chuckled while watching a baseball game.

He got harder and harder until he could not take any more, and then he exploded into my mouth with his fluid. He tasted good though it was a bigger load than normal. I swallowed all of it in a patient manner and without complaint. He lovingly rubbed my head because he and I knew we both liked this but at the same time saw it as non-essential to our relationship. If we had to stop doing this to continue seeing each other, we would. I then realized something while licking his manhood and looking at him: we were in love. I mean something more. I loved Philip in a deeper way and couldn't do this any longer in good conscience. We met at church and knew not to do such things! We were better than this.

"Philip, we first met 7 years ago now, and this is, what the 30th time we've slept together?"
"I don't keep count," he admitted, "I know I enjoy every second I am with you."
"Then, you love me, right? Like, you love me, Ashley, and not just my face or body?"
"Yes," he looked me in the eyes without flinching, "I love you and know… we're doing wrong."
"Then, Philip, forgive me for asking," I squirmed over to be closer to him, "May we… elope?"
"Now?" I heard a little bit of concern in his voice, "And jump into forever?"
"Yes, Philip, if that is what you want. I have no parents, so a wedding means nothing to me."
"Ashley, I've been hoping for a long time you would bring up this topic because I assumed you were afraid of it, but this is," I could see the surprise in his eyes, "This is kind of a bizarre time."
"Please? We do not have to do it now, but maybe tomorrow?" I asked with a laugh at his humor.
"We have to wait for Monday, but… Monday, we will."
"For now, just… love me, Philip," I gazed into his eyes with a burning passion in my heart.

The reason for just tying my ankles now makes sense because he could easily penetrate me while we kissed. The baseball game was noise and lights in the background while he gently satisfied my desires. Weren't my desires sinful though? The answer should have been obvious.

———————————————————————————

Monday, July 8, 2024

"Father, forgive me, for I have sinned," I said to my priest confessor with concern in my voice.
"Ashley, this is unlike you. You sound distraught," his kind voice soothes my worries.
"Fr. Donnelly, because I already committed more sins since my last confession," I started crying
"Don't be afraid, Ashley. God knows and heals a contrite heart."
"Father, I am bisexual, and I have slept with many girls; you know that. I have been an actress in pornographic films, and you know this as well. But, Father, I failed again. I seduced Philip, and I need your approval now. Philip and I wish to be married, and we don't want a big wedding. It's a special moment for us and you. Please, Father? We already got the civil part completed!"
"Congratulations, Ashley, but you have indeed sinned in many ways. Yes, I will marry you. Let us prepare for this event because it needs time before I may do this and bless it properly."

No one ever so lovingly talked to me about my struggles as Fr. Donnelly. He was the priest of my youth, and he was still the priest here in my American hometown almost 20 years later. It was to him I made my first confession and to him I made my fist as a married woman. He is so instrumental in my development as a Roman Catholic, and without him I'd be lost in a bottle of vodka somewhere, waking up next to a person, male or female, I barely know. He came to visit me many times during those sad lonely years between my parents' death and adulthood.

He reminded me of a great truth: that all are sinners. My attractions are fine, but acting on them was a different matter. He did something more wonderful though: he gave his approval to be the priest who sealed my matrimony in the sacraments of the Church. I can never thank him enough for his loving-kindness. He shared words with me that changed my heart though. Yes, there had to be time, but, in January, Philip and I would receive the beautiful sacrament of matrimony.

There was one more order of business though. I had to tell my landlady, one of my best friends, about what had happened. She, too, had eloped, and surprised me with the news. Now, my turn had come to join the leagues of married women. What a thrill. What a feeling! Forever with my husband, Philip! I adjusted everything to be right. What was said before was well illustrated at this moment. A black knee skirt, black pantyhose, black slip-on shoes, a red bandana headband, and a red blouse are still there in my mind a year later. I took a deep breath and opened the door.

"Hannah, are you here?" I asked my friend, who was busy with her nearly 2 year-old daughter.
"Yeah, here I am," walked out the woman with the obvious bulge in her belly.
"I want to thank you for all the love and care, but I have news for you," I smiled and sat down.
"News? What news? You got a promotion?"
"Yes, from girlfriend to wife," I showed her the cheap wedding band Philip and I chose.
"That is so awesome!" the happiness glowed in her eyes, "Ashley! Congratulations! Wheeee!"

That night, when Philip tied me up, I did not suck on his manhood. I could no longer do that as it was indeed a sin in the eyes of my church. Bondage like this is not a sin though. Indeed, it is but a little way in which we mutually enjoy each other's company during the deed, and my big ball gag never felt so good in my life. That day, a new boundary arrived for me: no exposure if I am acting in any of my friend's bondage films.

Mama, Papa, hardly a day goes by where I don't mourn you. It has been over 16 years since you were stolen from me, but there is finally peace in my heart. I have friends who love me, but dear Fr. Donnelly is right. Nothing can top that my parents, as sad as I am without them, are for sure up there praying for without ceasing. They still love me, and I still love them. There is but a gap between their realm and mine that means we cannot touch, but… I would swear that, during my brief marriage ceremony, I felt Papa's hand upon my shoulder… Mama took my hand in hers. I could almost hear them say the words in that crisp French…

"Ashley, we love you."

I love you, too.

Now, when I sleep with Philip, it is not sin. It is special, though, even with all of our violations against our bodies. We dishonored my body in our actions and grieved our Lord. How great is He though! This is becoming perhaps too direct in its themes but essential.

Now, I can do as my parents did: read from the Word of God, teach catechism to youths, and be an extraordinary minister of holy communion in good conscience. How I miss all those times I received the Body and Blood of Christ at my parent's hands. Sometimes, I feel they still give it to me through the hands of Fr. Donnelly here in the hometown where they perished.

How I miss them! How I miss the love! It's hard at times to be an only child and an orphan. All my living family is in France, where I was born. How long it has been since that dreadful day. I even sometimes pray for the soul of my aunt, wretch that she was, in the hope that she repented in those awful moments while she bled out on the ground. Why did you hurt me, Tante?

Mama, Papa, I love you, and you love me. Love the son-in-law that never got to meet you, and I hope you are also praying for him. I wish you were here to see it but believe Jesus opened your eyes to see through the clouds to that moment. I could almost hear your voices in the crowd. In 6 months time, there would be a wedding in the church, and I knew my friends would wish to be witnesses to that moment. A wedding means little to me, as was already said, but for them? The moment would be very special with much celebration. In love, Philip and I could permit this, an occasion that deserves a story of its own separate from this, of that day in January 2025.

These ropes bind me in love. My husband is of character and uses them to make me happy and to excite me while we do the marital act. How happy he makes me, and how happy I make him! It is going to be a long time, and I am looking forward to all the little things we do to show how much we love each other… just like Mama and Papa did. No wonder I love you, Philip. You are a man like my father, of valor and faith despite our mutual sin, and you even have a scruffy beard just like he did. You are so different though, and those differences are what make you unique. It will be a pleasure to spend the rest of our lives together in sacramental union.

"Ashley, I love you."

I love you, too.

THE END

[GreyLord]

Sweet!

[hafnermg]

Great story!!

[Switcher1313]

Wonderful tale!

[AlexUSA3]

Sweet!

Great story!!

Wonderful tale!

I thought it would be interesting to go inside Ashley's mind like this. Then I realized that Hannah makes assumptions about people all the time; how would a story come across if it turned out that Hannah's assumptions weren't correct? In this case, what if Ashley had a stronger and more mature personality than Hannah thought? The result was this tale.